I have a pity party blog about all my headaches and my adventure with doctors, tests, and drugs if you're interested.
Here's the link
http://alifeofpayne.blogspot.com/
Nothing too exciting, really!
I Never Listen
My mom has always told me if you have a loose string in your clothes don't just pull on it.
I never listen.
I pulled on it.
And now my pocket is coming off :-(
I never listen.
I pulled on it.
And now my pocket is coming off :-(
Hello blog, have you missed me?
To my former blog followers who still check back in from time to time only to be horribly disappointed that I have not posted anything new. Please do not be alarmed. As you may know – I have never been very faithful at posting anyway. But recent events in my life have put a near halt to my posting. First was the loss of my job. I had gone from sitting at a lovely desk in a usually fun office with fascinating people (I know that none of them follow this so I can say nice things about them without giving any of them undeserved and unnecessary ego boosts). I sat at this lovely desk in this fun office with these fascinating (and fun) people and I – oh, I worked, sure, a little, but I also played – I played on facebook, I posted on my blog, I posted on my butterfly girls blog, I researched weight lifting and workout routines, I researched healthy living lifestyles, I IM-ed with my good friends and co-workers in the next room, across the hall in the next office, across the valley in the next county, across the mountains in another state, across the “pond” in another country, and I played on the internet. Doing those sorts of things were easy because they were easily ACCESSIBLE and because I had the TIME.
Then I got laid off. That was a real blow. I’d never been laid off before. I lost my motivation to do anything.
I got back into school within a few months . And I got seriously motivated to not just get my bachelor’s degree, but to go on to grad school – to get a doctorate – to go to medical school. ME! Can you believe it? I definitely can’t. (I still pinch myself over that one.) In August I got a full time job. (It’s a temp position so I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I still have a job come January). I’m still in school – nearly full-time. And I’m trying to sell my house and move. I can’t access email or blogger or other blogs from work. So the ability to post and read and keep in contact during down time at work has been taken from me. When I am home I'm doing homework or packing or cleaning. Any tiny bit of free time that I am able to find between school, work, packing, homework, and researching grad schools to make sure I stay on target and get all the right classes in, is spent with Justin and Hiro – and ask either one of them – it’s not enough! (And a little bit of NFL football and you’ve got to trust me – that’s not enough either!)
As for email and or facebook – well, I do get those on my phone. And initially that seemed like a godsend. But then they became HUGE distractions and my homework suffered. So I deactivated my facebook account. NO – I did NOT delete any of you as friends. When you deactivate your account it sort of freezes you, saves all your info, but makes it look like you don’t exist. So you disappear from all your friends lists and posts and walls and such, but as soon as I reactivate I should magically appear again.
So please don’t worry about me. I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth. I am still alive, although I sometimes feel like just barely. And hopefully next semester I won’t fall as far behind, I can better manage my time, I’ll be in a smaller home which will require less time to maintain, and I can pop my head up more often for fresh air.
Thanks for all your love, support, and concern. Really, I’m ok. Just some time, accessibility, and minor brain damage issues I need to work through.
Then I got laid off. That was a real blow. I’d never been laid off before. I lost my motivation to do anything.
I got back into school within a few months . And I got seriously motivated to not just get my bachelor’s degree, but to go on to grad school – to get a doctorate – to go to medical school. ME! Can you believe it? I definitely can’t. (I still pinch myself over that one.) In August I got a full time job. (It’s a temp position so I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I still have a job come January). I’m still in school – nearly full-time. And I’m trying to sell my house and move. I can’t access email or blogger or other blogs from work. So the ability to post and read and keep in contact during down time at work has been taken from me. When I am home I'm doing homework or packing or cleaning. Any tiny bit of free time that I am able to find between school, work, packing, homework, and researching grad schools to make sure I stay on target and get all the right classes in, is spent with Justin and Hiro – and ask either one of them – it’s not enough! (And a little bit of NFL football and you’ve got to trust me – that’s not enough either!)
As for email and or facebook – well, I do get those on my phone. And initially that seemed like a godsend. But then they became HUGE distractions and my homework suffered. So I deactivated my facebook account. NO – I did NOT delete any of you as friends. When you deactivate your account it sort of freezes you, saves all your info, but makes it look like you don’t exist. So you disappear from all your friends lists and posts and walls and such, but as soon as I reactivate I should magically appear again.
So please don’t worry about me. I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth. I am still alive, although I sometimes feel like just barely. And hopefully next semester I won’t fall as far behind, I can better manage my time, I’ll be in a smaller home which will require less time to maintain, and I can pop my head up more often for fresh air.
Thanks for all your love, support, and concern. Really, I’m ok. Just some time, accessibility, and minor brain damage issues I need to work through.
Unemployed
It just amazes me the lengths that I will go to and the things that I can find to do to avoid doing the unpleasant things that I really need to do. Even things that I don't necessarily want to do or typically enjoy doing. Take blog posting for example. Something that I often put off doing for days, weeks, even months at a time.
Here I am, unemployed for a month now (OMG ... I can't believe it's been a month now!), in desperate need of a job, combing through online want-ads, looking at job postings that aren't real jobs anyway, or are crap jobs, or part-time jobs, or offer no benefits, or pay minimum-wage, or I don't qualify for because I don't have a bachelor's degree, blah, blah, blah - to the point where I can't stand the thought of another moment of job-hunting! so I post on my blog instead.
ARGH! This economy sucks!
Here I am, unemployed for a month now (OMG ... I can't believe it's been a month now!), in desperate need of a job, combing through online want-ads, looking at job postings that aren't real jobs anyway, or are crap jobs, or part-time jobs, or offer no benefits, or pay minimum-wage, or I don't qualify for because I don't have a bachelor's degree, blah, blah, blah - to the point where I can't stand the thought of another moment of job-hunting! so I post on my blog instead.
ARGH! This economy sucks!
Riddle me this
So here's the thing ... how can a girl who hates running so much miss running so much?
I was struggling. Every second or third day I would get into this horrible mood. I wasn't sure what was wrong with me, why I felt so pissy. I was not PMSing. I was quite happy with my life, job, situation, etc. So what the hell was wrong with me? Turns out - there I was training for an upcoming half marathon - and I hated running. I was pissy every second or third day because every second or third day I had to run. A friend pointed it out to me. Then proceeded to tell me that maybe running wasn't my thing. EXCUSE ME?!?! I am about as stubborn as they get - and a bit rebellious. Challenge accepted! That was all I needed to get me going. I was going to run and I was going to like it! Running was going to be "my thing" even if it killed me, damnit!
But I continued to struggle. I continued to hate it. Much to my dismay.
The 13 mile bus ride up the canyon felt like it took forever! I just kept thinking, "This bus ride is only 13 miles. And it is so long. And this is how far I have to run. All the way back down this canyon." (Interesting to note that the night before the race as I was driving back to my hotel in Green River I saw a sign that read, "Green River 13 miles" and I thought at that time as well, "This is how far I have to run tomorrow". I thought I would NEVER reach Green River!)
I ran it. I actually enjoyed it until the pain set in. And I hurt terribly for the next few days.
I have now taken 2 weeks off to recover. Two weeks of no running. It should be bliss, right? I should be in heaven and happy and no more pissiness. But I'm pissy!
A few days ago I was driving to work and there were runners out on the road and I longed for that. I actually ached to be there with them. How can a girl who hates to run miss it so much?
I was struggling. Every second or third day I would get into this horrible mood. I wasn't sure what was wrong with me, why I felt so pissy. I was not PMSing. I was quite happy with my life, job, situation, etc. So what the hell was wrong with me? Turns out - there I was training for an upcoming half marathon - and I hated running. I was pissy every second or third day because every second or third day I had to run. A friend pointed it out to me. Then proceeded to tell me that maybe running wasn't my thing. EXCUSE ME?!?! I am about as stubborn as they get - and a bit rebellious. Challenge accepted! That was all I needed to get me going. I was going to run and I was going to like it! Running was going to be "my thing" even if it killed me, damnit!
But I continued to struggle. I continued to hate it. Much to my dismay.
The 13 mile bus ride up the canyon felt like it took forever! I just kept thinking, "This bus ride is only 13 miles. And it is so long. And this is how far I have to run. All the way back down this canyon." (Interesting to note that the night before the race as I was driving back to my hotel in Green River I saw a sign that read, "Green River 13 miles" and I thought at that time as well, "This is how far I have to run tomorrow". I thought I would NEVER reach Green River!)
I ran it. I actually enjoyed it until the pain set in. And I hurt terribly for the next few days.
I have now taken 2 weeks off to recover. Two weeks of no running. It should be bliss, right? I should be in heaven and happy and no more pissiness. But I'm pissy!
A few days ago I was driving to work and there were runners out on the road and I longed for that. I actually ached to be there with them. How can a girl who hates to run miss it so much?
Pain is Temporary, Pride is Forever
I did it. It wasn't easy, and it wasn't pretty, but I did it. I ran the Canyonland's (Moab) Half Marathon on Saturday. I may not have finished strong, I may not have finished fast, but I finished - and I ran the whole thing. (It wasn't a pretty run, but it was a run nonetheless).
The canyon I ran through was beautiful. The weather and temperature were perfect.
I felt great through the first half of the race. Hip was bothering me a bit by about mile 3, but not too bad. Definitely tolerable. By mile 8 my knees were starting to bother me a tiny bit, but again, tolerable. By mile 9 I got cell phone reception and my phone started vibrating like crazy. It was very encouraging to get voicemails and text messages from loved ones cheering me on. At mile 10 I reached the tribal drums. I could hear them from about mile 9 through mile 11. They were amazing and inspiring. Also by mile 10 my knees and hip were REALLY hurting. By mile 11 I was choking back the tears - unsuccessfully. And by mile 12 - I just let it go. There were several people along the route, aid station workers, race route volunteers, spectators, racers who had already finished - cheering everyone on, encouraging us by telling us we were almost finished and many of which asked me if I was ok or needed help. (God bless them.) I must have looked pretty bad.
Justin and Hiro were waiting for me near the finish line to snap a photo. I put on a brave face for the photo op. (It looks like I'm walking, but I promise I'm not - not exactly).
Once I passed the finish line I had to walk and the pain of walking was excruciating. My knees felt better walking, but my hip hurt so much worse. Justin snapped a few photos and I finally had to ask him to please stop taking photos of me crying and in pain.
I had a medic with me pretty quickly after finishing and she was so sweet and so concerned. She wasn't going to leave me until she knew I was taken care of. She walked with me, told me where the doctor's tent was, and encouraged me to go. Then when we reached Justin she turned me over to him.
Justin took a few photos of me in the doctor's tent. So the good news - it's not a joint issue. The doctor is pretty sure it's a nerve issue...sciatica (just as I suspected). I didn't talk to him about my knees because at that time - I hadn't yet realized the severity of the damage done there.
Easing myself - gingerly - into the cot.
Despite the pain, I am so happy that I did it. I'm not giving up on running....I'm just going to make sure I get in to see a doctor before I continue.
As I have mentioned before in the Butterfly Girls blog - running has always been tough for me. I've never been able to run far - never ran further than a mile and a half before last summer. So to run 13.1 miles was a big deal for me. I've also always admired endurance runners. Saw their ability to endure as a sign of strength. For me to have accomplished this myself is exciting to me. It was an incredible and emotional experience.
(There were photographers along the route taking photos and I'll post those as soon as I get them so please check back!)
The canyon I ran through was beautiful. The weather and temperature were perfect.
I felt great through the first half of the race. Hip was bothering me a bit by about mile 3, but not too bad. Definitely tolerable. By mile 8 my knees were starting to bother me a tiny bit, but again, tolerable. By mile 9 I got cell phone reception and my phone started vibrating like crazy. It was very encouraging to get voicemails and text messages from loved ones cheering me on. At mile 10 I reached the tribal drums. I could hear them from about mile 9 through mile 11. They were amazing and inspiring. Also by mile 10 my knees and hip were REALLY hurting. By mile 11 I was choking back the tears - unsuccessfully. And by mile 12 - I just let it go. There were several people along the route, aid station workers, race route volunteers, spectators, racers who had already finished - cheering everyone on, encouraging us by telling us we were almost finished and many of which asked me if I was ok or needed help. (God bless them.) I must have looked pretty bad.
Justin and Hiro were waiting for me near the finish line to snap a photo. I put on a brave face for the photo op. (It looks like I'm walking, but I promise I'm not - not exactly).
Once I passed the finish line I had to walk and the pain of walking was excruciating. My knees felt better walking, but my hip hurt so much worse. Justin snapped a few photos and I finally had to ask him to please stop taking photos of me crying and in pain.
I had a medic with me pretty quickly after finishing and she was so sweet and so concerned. She wasn't going to leave me until she knew I was taken care of. She walked with me, told me where the doctor's tent was, and encouraged me to go. Then when we reached Justin she turned me over to him.
Justin took a few photos of me in the doctor's tent. So the good news - it's not a joint issue. The doctor is pretty sure it's a nerve issue...sciatica (just as I suspected). I didn't talk to him about my knees because at that time - I hadn't yet realized the severity of the damage done there.
Easing myself - gingerly - into the cot.
Despite the pain, I am so happy that I did it. I'm not giving up on running....I'm just going to make sure I get in to see a doctor before I continue.
As I have mentioned before in the Butterfly Girls blog - running has always been tough for me. I've never been able to run far - never ran further than a mile and a half before last summer. So to run 13.1 miles was a big deal for me. I've also always admired endurance runners. Saw their ability to endure as a sign of strength. For me to have accomplished this myself is exciting to me. It was an incredible and emotional experience.
(There were photographers along the route taking photos and I'll post those as soon as I get them so please check back!)
I feel like a High School Football Star
OMG! I have the best friends in the whole world. They have made me feel like a high school football star - and that is a very good thing.
Back in my high school days I decorated many of the football players houses before homecoming with big posters, balloons, etc along with my beautiful BG's. Today, I joined their ranks. Today, I was on the receiving end of that same sort of love and support.
I woke up early this morning and went out to hit the gym for some last minute prep for my half marathon tomorrow and found a very amazing surprise.
(You made me cry you little stinkers!)
Thank you all so much for your love and support. This half marathon is a big deal for me. I realize that to many other people it may be ... half marathon, eh...no biggie. But for a girl who's never been able to run more than a mile and a half until last summer - it's a HUGE deal.
This is my favorite part - hehe ..... Go Rams!
Marcus
Me, my friend Ashley, her hubby Nick, and a bunch of their friends all went to see Marcus at Wiseguys on Friday, February 13.
I am HUGE Marcus fan. Loved him and cheered for him the first time I saw him on Last Comic Standing last season. Called in as many times as I was allowed to vote for him every week! He is awesome!
We were on the front row and if you've been to Wiseguys before you know what a small venue it is and how close to the stage the front row is - my feet were resting quite comfortably ON the stage. Marcus was just feet from me! Close enough that he could hear my comments during his routine - and then comment back.
Ashley LOVES to take photos - that girl is NUTS! And because the two of us were snapping away Marcus was kind enough to stop mid-joke and pose for us for a few of them.
Well, it was awesome. He was awesome. And I got a nice photo op after the perfomance.
To those who follow my blog religiously ....
Can you follow my blog religiously if I don't post religiously?
It has become clear to me that I am not a very good blogger or facebooker. I have my days, weeks .... moments. But I am in no way consistent and if you follow my blog you know this. I'd say that I lack the discipline, but I don't think that's the case. I am very disciplined in other aspects of my life - to the point that I get accused of being obsessed, addicted, a maniac, an animal, a machine - these are a few of the terms that have been used with me. Negative connotation or not - I don't mind any of those terms being attached to me with regards to my "gym" routine. In fact, I'm quite proud of my level of dedication and the pay off that I am receiving as a result. But a blogger I am not. Nor will I ever be called a blogger by anyone ...(SHOUT OUT ALERT!) ... other than my good friend Tim "Jimmy".
I admire those of you who are dedicated and commited to keeping us all up to date with your goings-on. But I must apologize for my own lack of commitment. Honestly, I just don't think I have anything exciting or entertaining to say. And my average day is just that - average. No one wants to hear about that - and if you do, please check out the Butterfly Girls blog. (Oh, that's another shout out of sorts!)
To my good friends who have amazing blogs - keep up the good work. To those of you who post infrequently - I get it and I empathize.
So....
That's it. I really just wanted to post and didn't have a darn thing to say- so I made this whole thing up.
It has become clear to me that I am not a very good blogger or facebooker. I have my days, weeks .... moments. But I am in no way consistent and if you follow my blog you know this. I'd say that I lack the discipline, but I don't think that's the case. I am very disciplined in other aspects of my life - to the point that I get accused of being obsessed, addicted, a maniac, an animal, a machine - these are a few of the terms that have been used with me. Negative connotation or not - I don't mind any of those terms being attached to me with regards to my "gym" routine. In fact, I'm quite proud of my level of dedication and the pay off that I am receiving as a result. But a blogger I am not. Nor will I ever be called a blogger by anyone ...(SHOUT OUT ALERT!) ... other than my good friend Tim "Jimmy".
I admire those of you who are dedicated and commited to keeping us all up to date with your goings-on. But I must apologize for my own lack of commitment. Honestly, I just don't think I have anything exciting or entertaining to say. And my average day is just that - average. No one wants to hear about that - and if you do, please check out the Butterfly Girls blog. (Oh, that's another shout out of sorts!)
To my good friends who have amazing blogs - keep up the good work. To those of you who post infrequently - I get it and I empathize.
So....
That's it. I really just wanted to post and didn't have a darn thing to say- so I made this whole thing up.
New Years Resolutions
I hate New Years Resolutions .... yet every year I make them. And every year I break them. They say rules were made to be broken ... can the same be said about resolutions?
Well, as for last years resolutions, I think that my biggest problem was that I made too many of them. I am happy to report that I completed a few of them. I think I made like 15 (there were so many I can't possibly remember them all!) I think I sent out a birthday card to nearly every sibling and in-law and neice and nephew. Although many were late and many were store bought - so I failed there. I didn't read as much as I wanted - I blame Les Miserables. I did however, retain my gym membership, actually use it, develop a new hobby, and lose that 20 lbs I wanted to lose by the time I went to Canada. I am also happy to report that I have not only kept it off, but lost even more!
So this year .... my New Years Resolutions (Yes! I'm making dreaded resolutions.)
--Run at least 3 Half Marathons or Marathons
--Summit Timpanogos or Olympus at least 3 times (I have a love affair with Timp and will probably do my best to summit there all 3 times)
--GO BACK TO COLLEGE!
WISH ME LUCK!
Well, as for last years resolutions, I think that my biggest problem was that I made too many of them. I am happy to report that I completed a few of them. I think I made like 15 (there were so many I can't possibly remember them all!) I think I sent out a birthday card to nearly every sibling and in-law and neice and nephew. Although many were late and many were store bought - so I failed there. I didn't read as much as I wanted - I blame Les Miserables. I did however, retain my gym membership, actually use it, develop a new hobby, and lose that 20 lbs I wanted to lose by the time I went to Canada. I am also happy to report that I have not only kept it off, but lost even more!
So this year .... my New Years Resolutions (Yes! I'm making dreaded resolutions.)
--Run at least 3 Half Marathons or Marathons
--Summit Timpanogos or Olympus at least 3 times (I have a love affair with Timp and will probably do my best to summit there all 3 times)
--GO BACK TO COLLEGE!
WISH ME LUCK!
Weightloss Challenge
Ok....so it's not like I really have any weight to lose, but I joined a weightloss challenge. Now, before you go ballistic on me, let me explain. 1. It's a family deal so it was hard to turn down. 2. I'm going to kill it so again it was hard to turn down. and 3. It's not just about weightloss - it's also about getting healthy and making better choices. (Much like my Butterfly Girls Challenge
For official rules and to track my progress please check out my links at the side of this blog - under the Follow My Progress link.
Here is my "before" photo for the Sander's Losers blog. I began at 124.2 lbs.
For official rules and to track my progress please check out my links at the side of this blog - under the Follow My Progress link.
Here is my "before" photo for the Sander's Losers blog. I began at 124.2 lbs.
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